Watching a loved one struggle with any mental illness is always painful. This is true whether it’s depression, anxiety and phobias, bipolar disorder, or OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder).
Perhaps you often wished that you could do something to help them move out of their emotional pain and into a place of healing. And maybe you’ve tried to help them as best as you know how, but your efforts haven’t made any difference.
They continue to engage in their OCD behaviors. And these behaviors, unfortunately, are taking over their life, and perhaps yours as well.
So, what can you do? Here are steps that I often recommend in my practice.
Educate Yourself
OCD is a commonly misunderstood disorder. As frustrating as your loved one’s obsessive beliefs and compulsive behaviors are, it’s not something that’s just in their heads. It’s a real disorder.
If you haven’t taken the time to really learn about OCD, it’s important to do so. Countless books and websites are available where you can learn about causes, manifestations, and even treatment of OCD. You could also consider joining a support group for families of OCD sufferers.
The more you know, the better prepared you’ll be to offer support.
Don’t Shame Your Loved One
Unfortunately, people who do not have OCD often find themselves extremely frustrated with loved ones who do have it.
You know that your loved one is intelligent and capable. They've succeeded in other areas. And you just can’t understand why in the world they insist on following specific rituals around certain tasks or avoiding situations that don’t bother you.
But treating them harshly and telling them to snap out of it is counterproductive. It will embarrass them and create emotional barriers in your relationship. And as a result, they'll likely be less open to your help in the future.
Avoid Accommodating Them
While it’s important not to shame your loved one with OCD, don't let yourself get pulled into their rituals and phobias either. This is one of the main ways you can help them.
Set firm boundaries for your own behaviors. For example, don’t offer to wash your hands with them every time they do as a show of support. Calmly refuse to do the everyday tasks they need to do but that might upset them. If your spouse or child insists that the house be deep cleaned every day, don’t get involved.
I'm sure you get the idea by now. You don’t have to be mean or nasty about it; you can do this in a firm but loving manner.
When you set these boundaries, they may cause arguments and hurt feelings. But when you alter your own behavior to reinforce their OCD behavior, you’re only making their disorder worse. You’re silently affirming their OCD and quietly letting them know that it’s ok to be controlled by it. And that's exactly the opposite of the message they need to receive.
Share Hope
After you've taken some time to educate yourself about OCD, you’ll realize that there are many scientifically proven treatment methods for it. We’ve seen these approaches work time after time in our office.
You can try mentioning these to your loved one. Share your willingness to help them set up treatment and attend sessions if they’d like. And encourage them and let them know you believe they can overcome OCD.
A message of hope from you and your willingness to support them in their journey to beat their affliction can go a long way.
Take Care of Yourself
Watching a loved one live with OCD is hard and heartbreaking. You probably worry about them and wish they didn’t have to struggle so much. And, yes, you’re probably going to be tempted at times to “help” them in the ways discussed above.
But the more you address your own physical, emotional, and social needs, the more you can be there for them in a productive way.
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We specialize in helping people overcome OCD. If your loved one is ready to break free from the power OCD wields in their life, please encourage them to contact our office.
